


Downworld

by torturousthings



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, F/M, M/M, Shadowhunters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:38:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 13,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torturousthings/pseuds/torturousthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's a werewolf. He hasn't been one for long, and the hatred towards himself and the Shadowhunters that weren't of any help to him is still quite vivid in his heart. </p>
<p>Until Phillip came along..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Institute

Dan had never worked -or even talked, for that matter- with a Nephilim. They were arrogant, selfish creatures.

He was a werewolf, but hadn't been born one. The day he had been bitten had easily been the worst of his life. He cringed at the thought, remembering the feeling of teeth tearing through his flesh, and then lying on the ground, left for dead, until the pack found him.

He was grateful, of course, but hated himself and this life that he hadn't asked for. The local Nephilim hadn't helped him, unsurprisingly. They were bound by the Law to protect mundanes, not Downworlders. Surely a few Shadowhunters had walked past him when he was agonizing on the ground, after being bitten. He hated them for that. His pack leader had told him that hate wouldn't change anything, but he couldn't help it.

Until that day.

That day, the pack had been called on by the Institute, so he went along, heart full of hatred. The head of the Institute opened the gate. She was a tough-looking woman, light brown hair cut short, runes lacing her arms. Nothing unusual. But then, behind her, stood a tall and awkward young Shadowhunter. He was probably a few years older than Dan himself. He flashed a shy smile towards the pack, blue eyes lighting up, a sudden burst of wind ruffling his black hair.

Dan looked down at the Shadowhunter's arms. They were inked with black runes, the Voyance (was that what they called it?) rune on his right hand. His skin was startlingly pale under his Marks. He did not radiate arrogance as the other Nephilim did. He had an aura of kindness, of gentleness. The way he held himself showed. He had his back straight, head held high, but didn't look down at the pack with an air of disgust as most did.

It was as if they were his equals.

They made eye contact, and Dan couldn't help but smile, and so did the other boy.

_He noticed me._

_There were lots of very pretty werewolves in the pack, yet he noticed me._

He couldn't help but smile.


	2. Idris

_Can Shadowhunters be gay?_

That was the first question that came to Dan's mind, but he quickly shooed it away as he followed the pack inside.

They stepped into a huge room, and people around him started to whisper.

_Portal..._

_...warlock.._.

_...war..._

He stepped onto his tiptoes. He was tall, but a blonde guy in front of him was taller. He peeked at the wall that everyone was staring at. There was a door-like shape, and it looked like there was water bubbling in it.

The head of the Institute, tracing a rune on her arm, said, with an incredibly -and probably magically- powerful voice: "I will need you to listen to my orders carefully. You will step through this Portal, and it will take you to Alicante, in Idris."

Dan had heard of Idris before, but it was a Shadowhunter place.

"Valentine has decided to go to war against the Clave, if they do not let him kill Downworlders at will."

_Do you even care?_   Dan thought, sounding bitter even to himself.

It was now his turn to step through the Portal, and he stopped right before the shimmering substance, hesitated, and stepped through it.

It was dark, and suddenly light. He was inside a huge hall with a high ceiling. So that was what they called the Accords Hall. There was a tiny redheaded girl speaking to everyone, looking determined. She was speaking of a rune, one that even Downworlders could bear.

Dan, searching the crowd, saw the blue eyed boy from the Institute, standing near the brown haired woman.

Shadowhunters and Downworlders had started to whisper all around him again. They were speaking of a binding rune, _Alliance_ , that could create a bond between Shadowhunters and Downworlders, so that they could share each other's strengths.

Dan felt repulsion at that idea. There was no way he would set a tattoo on his skin to be bound to a _Nephilim_.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw the black haired Shadowhunter standing awkwardly in front of him. "So...uhm.. We have to find a Downworlder...I mean.. Someone who's not a Nephilim.. To..uh.. Trace the.... _Alliance_?"

He looked very awkward, but he was the one Dan minded _least_ being bound to.

"Yeah, okay," Dan said, finding it difficult to refuse. "How do you do that?" He said, baring his forearm.

"I'm Phillip," the Shadowhunter said, taking out a stele (the pointy, pen like thing they used to carve runes onto their skins).

"You didn't answer my question, Phillip," said Dan, half smirking, half annoyed.

"Uhm, well, it hurt a bit on us but I don't know how it is on Downworlders. Never tried it before," he confessed.

 

_Us._

 

_Always the Nephilim and their superiority_ , Dan thought.

He jumped a bit as the Shadowhunter grabbed his arm with more strength than Dan thought he'd have.

"Here, I'll show you, and then you'll trace it on me, okay?" Phillip looked unsure.

"Yeah, alright," the werewolf said. "I'm Daniel, by the way. You can call me Dan. Just thought you should know my name in case this tattoo session became erotic or something."

Phillip snorted and set the stele down on Dan's skin.


	3. Better

It was interesting, fighting alongside an Angel's Child.

Dan felt his movements become more graceful every time he swung his claws at something. He had never thought claw swinging could be graceful.

_Not just alongside_ , Dan thought, _we're freaking tied to each other._

Next to him, Phillip was swinging a seraph blade at the nearest enemy, though Dan felt like a bow would've fit him better. The seraph blade looked too big in his hands and, even though it was finely carved, Dan thought that Phillip deserved something more delicate like a bow. He himself would have chosen a bow, were he a Shadowhunter.

"Behind you!" Phillip shouted, looking in Dan's direction. The werewolf almost chuckled to the very film-like replica before whirling around and ducking the blade that was being swung at him.

 

***

 

"Your fighting skills are quite impressive," Dan said, smirking.

"Well, I had much more strength because of the _Alliance_ rune," he said, pointing to the already fading Mark on his bared forearm.

"Because of _you_ ," he corrected himself, smiling.

_He's definitely better than the other Shadowhunters_ , Dan thought, _maybe I was wrong_.

"So uhm.. I guess that's it? We just go back to London now?" Dan said.

"Yeah," Phillip answered. "We go home."

_And everything that happened here, will be the past. He'll ignore me_ , Dan thought, a metallic taste in his mouth, and it wasn't from his split lip.


	4. Expectations

He let himself fall onto his bed. It had been a long day, and they had lost a few members of the pack. Luckily, Dan wasn't really close with anyone, and even though he had paid his respects, he didn't care much. The little voice at the back of his head constantly told him that that wasn't a pack-like behaviour, but he tried to shut it up. He didn't want to get attached to anyone. His trust had vanished the day he was bitten.

It hadn't been easy to show to the rest of the werewolves that he didn't want to bond, since werewolves could be very social creatures, especially within their pack. He couldn't count the number of times that he had refused brutally an offer to go out together, or even plain friendship.

He knew he sounded mean, but he didn't care. His goal was to drive people away and this goal had been achieved.

Sometimes he thought about his past life, the friends and family he couldn't go back to. _They wouldn't understand_ , he thought.

He stood up and went to the pack leader's office, where the phone was.

"Can I use the phone?" he said, and, not waiting for the answer, picked it up. "What's the number of the Institute?" he demanded, looking up at the pack leader, who hadn't said a word and looked at him with an air of disapproval.

"You can't call them, Dan," he said.

"Why?" he knew he sounded rude.

"They're Nephilim, Dan. You can't call them unless you have urgent business."

_But this is urgent business_ , he thought.

Slamming the phone back on the table, he turned and stomped out of the office. Not bothering to put on a jacket, he walked out of the headquarters. He didn't actually know where he was going. After a while, he realised that his feet had brought him to the Institute. He couldn't get in, obviously. He still knocked on the door, and stepped back, waiting. The door creaked open, a little brown haired girl behind it.

"Hi, werewolf," she said, and he cringed. A werewolf is all he'll ever be to the Shadowhunters. "What do you want?" she smiled a bit, and he realised that she had blue eyes as well. Phillip was probably her brother.

"Can you please call Phillip? Don't tell him it's a werewolf, okay? Just say that someone is here to talk to him."

She nodded, and turned away from him, closing the door. A few minutes later, the door opened once again, and Dan stood a bit straighter.

"What are you doing here, werewolf?"

He jumped. This wasn't the voice he was expecting. Looking up, he saw the head of the Institute. Of course the girl wouldn't have called Phillip.


	5. Equals

He hated to act like he was inferior in front of Nephilim, but he bowed his head at the brown haired woman. She had this aura of authority.

"I'm sorry."

He hadn't found anything else to say.

One of her eyebrows lifted.

"What are you doing here, if it is not for business or fighting, werewolf?"

He looked up at her, directly looking into her eyes. "My name is Daniel," he said, sounding almost aggressive. "Being a werewolf doesn't make me any less of a living being."

She looked shocked by his words. Surely no one ever talked to her that way, but she didn't say a word about it.

"You wanted to talk to Phillip, I hear," she said icily.

Dan clenched his teeth. "Yes. I did. But that doesn't matter."

"It better not. I do not want to see you on these grounds, werewolf. They belong to the Nephilim. Do not return. Ever," she added, turning away and slamming the door in his face.

Lingering in front of the closed door for a few seconds, Dan looked up at a window of the Institute, only to see a dark head swiftly hiding back into the curtains.

***

He had wandered in the streets quite a while after the useless encounter before going back to the pack's quarters. Keeping his head down, clearly showing no desire for conversation, he walked through the main room and straight into his. He was lucky to have one to himself, but then again what kind of roommate would he have been?

The pack leader walked in. "There's a call for you."


	6. Her

It was his mum.

He hadn't talked to her since he was Turned, and apparently she finally found the place he was staying at. She sounded furious, more than anything.

"Daniel!"

His heart contracted a little bit.

"Mum, I-" he started. "Don't start making excuses! Why would you run away like that? Do you know how it feels to be constantly worried about your own flesh?"

_Oh, yes_ , he thought, _but, for me, it's literally my own flesh_.

"Mum, I'll let Stan explain," he sighed, and reluctantly passed the phone to Stan, the pack leader.

Walking away as Stan started to explain the fact that werewolves and vampires and all the stories were true to his confused mum, a tear made its way down his face. Even if he refused to admit it to himself, he missed his family. He had loved them fiercely, and it was to make sure they stayed safe that he hadn't tried to make contact with them.

Angrily wiping his tears away, he made his way back to his room, and sat down on the bed. _What's the point of all this? Why am I even alive, if it's to be so miserable and useless?_ he thought.

Walking out the headquarters, he wandered off, and his steps took him near where he used to live, where he had grown up. He remembered every street he'd run down after school, every shop he used to walk past. The sweets shop he went to almost every day without his mother knowing was closed down. He wondered if it was because the owner died. He was so nice, though. He'd always give Dan some extra sweets with a warm smile. "Here you go", he'd say, "remember to share, son!" Dan chuckled bitterly. Those worry-free days were long gone, and so was his childhood.

Seeing the park he used to play in with his friends made his heart ache again. He walked into it as if he was compelled to, and, sitting down on a bench, let out a long sigh.

"Fancy seeing you here," a feminine voice said from behind him. Startled, he jumped up from the bench and whirled around.

"L-Lexi?"

Lexi smirked and hit his shoulder with her fist playfully. She was his closest friend -used to be, he reminded himself-: they had grown up together and he had vowed to protect her no matter what.

She had changed since the last time he had seen her. She looked grown up, had make up on, had different clothes, but the sparkles were still in her eyes. It was then that he noticed the dark circles under said eyes, proof of many restless nights.

"So, what are you doing here?" he asked, smiling.

"I should be the one asking you that, mister," she said, chuckling. "I heard from your mum that you just disappeared one day, and she hadn't heard from you since," she went on, "I was on my way to her house to-," she paused, as if it was something that she wasn't supposed to say, a flash of sadness in her eyes quickly replaced by happiness, but he could tell that it wasn't genuine.

"Seems like I don't need to," she added with a sheepish smile, "so, where'd you run off to? Is it because of a girl?" she smirked again.

_Oh, how wrong you are,_ he thought, but chuckled instead.

"Well, actually, I'm- I needed to get out of this whole routine thing for a while, you know? Wanted to be on my own for a bit, to clear my head."

"Clear your head of what?"

_Great, now she's worried about me._

"Uhh, stuff.." He knew he couldn't sound more suspicious but that really was all he could say. "I, uhm, I gotta go, I'm sorry."

Her eyes turned melancholic and the smile disappeared from her face as if he had taken a mask off her by saying those words.

"Dan, I- I don't want you to go. I missed you so much, and this is all you have to say to me? You disappeared without a word, without an address. I ought to be mad at you, but you know I can't. I'll never be mad at you for anything, Dan. But I thought we were closer than this and that we could work it out, no matter what the problem was."

He was looking at his feet. Lifting his head up, he said:

"Lexi. I know that what I did hurt you, and that I'm a terrible friend. But you need to understand that I cannot stay here, for my own good."

She was now the one looking down. He could see a tear making its way down her face, tinted in black by the mascara she never wore.

Looking up at him with her light grey eyes, she reached up and put her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer and put her lips on his.

He was frozen, and all he could think about was her hand on his neck and how Phillip's hand would feel there.


	7. Lexi

Pulling backwards, Dan broke the kiss and frowned. 

"Why did you do this?" he asked, genuinely confused. She wiped her tears away, smearing the mascara in them over her cheeks. 

"How could you not know? How could you not notice?" she sounded hurt, but there was something else in her voice. "It's been almost ten years, Dan. Ten years of growing up with you, ten years of being by your side and supporting you in whatever you did, yet you still don't know," she sighed, looking down at her hands. 

"I love you, Dan. I always have and I thought you did too." She was twisting the silvery ring on her ring finger. 

The ring he gave her for her 17th birthday, he realised. It was meant for her middle finger, but he had had the size confused and it only fit on her ring finger. Perhaps she had thought he did it on purpose, as if he had proposed to her. 

"Lexi, I- ," he didn't know what to say not to hurt her, but he couldn't lie about the fact that all he could picture in his head was Phillip and his blue eyes. 

"I can't- I can't do this," he said,  _you're like a sister to me._

The sparks in her eyes had been put out by his words, and all that was left were the dark circles under her eyes, of mascara and fatigue. 

"I was on the way to your mother's house to see if there were any news of you," she spat. "Do you realise how selfish you are? People care about you, Dan, but you don't acknowledge that. You just do whatever pleases you, regardless of the consequences. That's not how it works. You need to talk to someone, and everyone around you is right here to listen to you. But the world doesn't revolve around you, and people will stop caring if you don't. So, do whatever you want, Dan, but please don't talk to me until you've made up your mind," she said, voice breaking. 

Turning away, she walked away silently without casting another glance at him, but he knew by how she held herself that she was resisting the urge to look back.

Taking her in for what he knew to be the last time in a long while, he looked at her light brown hair that he had cut off when he was five and wanted to be a hairdresser, looked at the clothes that he wouldn't have recognised her in, if she hadn't come to him.

_It's better this way_ , he thought,  _I'm doing the right thing. I'm protecting her. That was my vow._

Walking out from the park, he went back to the headquarters, and saw a tall and slender figure in front of it. 

The person was facing away from him, looking at the door. 

"Are you looking for something, sir?" Dan said, walking up behind the stranger. 

The man, obviously taken by surprise, turned around faster than an average human and took a step back. 

It was Phillip.

 


	8. Runes

"Dan?" Phillip looked genuinely surprised, as if he wasn't the one that wasn't supposed to be there. "What are you doing here?" 

 _Second time I've been asked that today_ , he thought,  _and the answer is the same_.

"I should be asking you that," he said with a smile. "Isn't this forbidden ground for Shadowhunters?"

"I don't think we have forbidden grounds," the other boy answered, and, seeing Dan frown at these words, added quickly: "What I mean is that- uhh- there is no law stating that I can't come here. I was looking for someone."

"Would you give me a name, or..?" 

Phillip's cheeks turned pink. 

"You know what, n- never mind, they're probably not here anyway," Phillip stuttered, nervously playing with what seemed like a little slip of paper with words scribbled on them, staining his fingers with ink. 

He tried to turn away but somehow tripped on his shoelaces -he wasn't wearing gear- and fell on the still-wet pavement. 

Looking at him standing up, Dan saw that he had scraped his knee and torn the jeans he was wearing. Rushing forward, Dan offered to help him.

"Don't you guys have, a, healing tattoo or something?" Dan knew he sounded way too worried. 

Phillip chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "An _iratze_? Well, yeah, but this is way too superficial to use a rune on," he said, "and I don't have my stele anyway."

Dan shook his head. "So much for seeing that again," he sighed, and, seeing the confused look on Phillip's face, added, "I just thought the Alliance thing was really cool." 

The other boy's face lit up. "Alright, I'll just tell you this, then."

"I actually came here looking for you, Daniel," he said, and Dan's heart made a little jumpy thing. "I had loved the strength that Alliance had given me, and that was thanks to you. So I'd like to do that again, as many times as possible."

_Oh. So he only wants me to be with him because I have the strength he wants._

"We'd be like  _parabatai._ "

"What the fluff is that?" Dan was confused at this word he had never heard of. 

"It's a Shadowhunter ceremony, which binds two Nephilim," Phillip explained, "They fight with each other, would lay down their lives for each other. They can draw strength on each other during battle." 

"But I'm not Nephilim," Dan said, feeling stupid for stating the obvious.

"Well, yeah, but we could just use Alliance as if it were the  _parabatai_  rune."

Dan took a step back. "I, uhh.. I need some time to think. I don't know you, Phillip." 

Phillip handed him a book that Dan hadn't realised the other boy was carrying. "Here, take this. This is my Codex, and I've put a bookmark in the  _parabatai_  section, so that you can know more about it and stuff." 

Dan nodded, and took the book. "Thanks, I'll read it carefully." Phillip smiled. "I'll come back here in a week, and you'll tell me what you've decided, alright?" Dan nodded again, and the Shadowhunter walked away with a wave of his hand, quickly disappearing from the werewolf's sight.


	9. Codex

_They are not merely warriors who fight together; the oaths that newly made_ parabatai _take in front of the Council include vows to lay down one's life for the other, to travel where the other travels, and indeed, to be buried in the same place._

Dan was lying on his bed, reading the Codex. "Alright, this sounds pretty cool so far," he said out loud, and prayed that no one heard him talking to himself. 

 _The only bond forbidden to the_ parabatai _is the romantic bond._

Dan sat up and re-read that sentence. 

"This can't be.."

 


	10. Visit

Dan was lying flat on his back, staring at the white ceiling. His room was a mess, clothes piled up in a corner, books on the floor, and, among them, the Codex. The sight of it made Dan want to throw up. It had been two weeks since Phillip had come to ask him about Alliance. At first, upon reading the _parabatai_ section and realising that the romantic bond was forbidden, he had sunken into despair, which had quickly turned to dread, to how he would face Phillip once he comes back to hear his answer. Now he was numb, not really caring either way. He had been wrong to think Phillip was different: he was just as selfish as the rest of the Nephilim. He rolled over to distract himself from the bitter taste that had started spreading in his mouth. Standing up swiftly, he picked the Codex up and flung it across the room where it hit one of his bookshelves. Books fell, hitting the floor louder than Dan thought they would. At least they had covered up the Codex. 

 

That book now represented everything he didn’t have. Everything he couldn’t be. He had read all of it, to make sure he hadn’t missed out on anything, that there wasn’t a loophole. But no. There wasn’t. He had come to the conclusion that what Phillip had said is completely irrelevant or impossible. He was delusional. Alliance had been created not long before, and it was absolutely impossible that they could be bound to each other forever by that rune. 

 

He had understood that _parabatai_ were best friends, almost siblings; a ceremony open to the Nephilim only. So whatever Phillip was thinking, it was impossible. He only wanted his strength anyway. 

 

The door creaked half open -the clothes were behind it, making opening the door wide an impossible task- and Stan’s head poked through. 

 

“Someone’s here for you,” he said, looking around. “Whoa, you could hide a dead body in here!” He sniffed. “Smells like it too,” he added. Dan had gone back to lying on his bed. “Don’t let them in,” he mumbled. 

 

He heard Stan’s voice: “Too late.”  Lifting his head up, he saw Phillip standing in the middle of his room. 

 

But of course he’d let himself in.

 


	11. Coward

 

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Stan left, feeling the building tension. Phillip was just standing there, and Dan was not looking at him, even though doing that took a whole lot of willpower and the energy of his entire body. 

 

He felt the other boy’s gaze burning into his back, and, unable to stay silent one more second, Dan bolted up and faced Phillip. 

 

“What do you want, exactly?” 

 

He realised that the Shadowhunter’s eyes weren’t quite _just_ blue. He had these- 

 

“As you have probably realised by now, we can’t be bound to each other by _Alliance._ ”

 

Dan focused again on what Phillip was saying. “Yeah, so?” He had some trouble understanding what the Shadowhunter wanted to say. “Where are you getting at?” He cringed a little bit because he knew how rude and brutal he sounded. But then again, Phillip wasn’t exactly formal and polite with him either. The other boy cleared his throat. 

 

“What I wanted to say was, my main purpose wasn’t to be forever bound to you. You know by now that this isn’t possible. Truth is, the other day, once you put the rune on me, I saw flashes of what seemed to be your life. And I saw this- this girl that troubled me more than she should have. She had brown hair, I think. And those beautiful grey eyes. I keep seeing her in my dreams now, and I’m dying to know who she is. You must know. Can you tell me, or at least show me?” He was holding out a stele. 

 

Of course this was about Lexi. She was beautiful indeed, but Dan had no desire to drag her into the Shadow World, nor for Phillip to get to know her. She was _his_ best friend, and he would let no harm come to her, and Shadowhunters meant danger. His heart was aching in his chest. 

 

_Why did I ever believe for one second that he wanted to be with me? I’m a werewolf. She’s an innocent human — how did the Nephilim call them? The… mundanes? They're obviously much more attractive._

 

Dan didn’t like the word mundane. It made him think of something uninteresting, normal, something that you shouldn’t look twice at. Lexi was anything but that.

 

He looked at the stele, then Phillip’s hand holding it, and his gaze followed the arm back up to the other boy’s face. His jaw was set, but there was a different look in his eyes. It was, Dan realised with horror, a desperate look. He took a deep breath.

 

“No,” he said. “I won’t do it, because I don’t want Lexi involved with you. I don’t want her in danger. I don’t want her with _your_ kind.” The last two words were almost spat out, as if Dan’s body rejected them. Phillip flinched almost imperceptibly, and lowered the hand holding the stele. He was looking at his feet. Dan couldn’t see his face. 

 

When the Shadowhunter lifted his head up, his eyes were glistening. “Please,” he said. “I just want to see her one more time. Just once.” 

 

If Dan’s heart was aching before, it was now shattering. In front of him stood a _boy_. Not a warrior. Not someone who was bred to kill demons. A boy. A boy that he could never have, no matter what happened. A boy that was apparently madly in love with his best friend, who had no idea he existed. Dan tightened his fists. 

 

“No.”

 

“You’re just refusing because you’re afraid, _werewolf_. You’re afraid of her finding out that you are what you are, that she’ll like me over you. You’re nothing but a coward.” 

 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know Lexi. You can’t just come marching in _werewolf_ headquarters and demand something. Now please leave and never come back.” 

 

Phillip’s pale skin was flushed. His fist was holding the stele so tightly his knuckles were white. His eyes were bright. He stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him. Dan fell headfirst onto his bed and let the tears flow until they ran out.


	12. Longing

 

His thoughts were now as messy as his room. What he hated the most about all this was his helplessness. What he wanted was right there, but somehow out of reach because of who he was. No. _What_ he was. He was disgusted by himself. The tears had dried on his cheeks. 

 

Someone knocked on the door. Dan didn’t even bother answering: he knew it was Stan. He had probably seen the Shadowhunter storm out of the headquarters and had come for answers. 

 

“I’m not in the mood, Stan. Go away.” 

 

“You need to stop staying away from everyone, kid. A werewolf without a pack is nothing.” 

 

He couldn’t take more. Standing up and whirling around, he slammed Stan, who was a good head taller than him, into the wall. “I have no desire to be a werewolf,” he said, looking straight into the pack leader’s eyes. “Now leave me alone.” He let go, and the other wolf gave him a reproachful look, then left without another word. Dan scoffed. Who did he think he was? His father? 

 

_Father._

 

This word made Dan long for home. He wanted to go back near there, but his encounter with Lexi was too recent for it to be safe. She probably still went there everyday hoping to see him, hoping that he’d changed his mind. 

 

Time flew by, and with every passing day Dan wanted to go back to that park more. One day, almost three months later, he decided that it was safe enough by now, that Lexi wouldn’t be there. She had never been the patient kind. 

 

He got up from his bed and looked into the mirror that hung next to the bookshelf. He couldn’t remember the last time he had washed his hair. He had lost weight, and his collarbones were quite visible where his t-shirt didn’t cover them. He used to love this t-shirt. Now it hung on his frame, faded and wrinkled. Going into the common bathroom, he took a shower. It was around three in the afternoon, and he was the only one there. The warm water relaxed him and he stood there, under the flow, letting his thoughts drift away with the steam. He didn’t want to think. 

 

The shower had done him a lot of good, and he threw on a hoodie and a pair of jeans. He hadn’t worn jeans for a while now, only sweatpants, and the fabric felt weird on his skin.  He sat on the floor and laced his shoes up like he used to when he was ten. 

 

Outside, the fresh air sent a chill through his whole body. Sticking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie after putting the hood on, he walked in the direction of the park, and home. 


	13. Unreal

The park looked sad, as if Dan’s absence for so long had had an effect on it. Or maybe it was because winter was coming, and the trees were baring. He walked in, and sat down on his usual bench. He tilted his head back and leaned it against the back of the bench, closing his eyes. Images of the past events came back to him against his will. He wanted a clear head, an empty mind. It wasn’t the case, though. He thought of Lexi, her tears and her kiss. Although he was hurt that she had loved him since they were children and not told him, the thought of her kissing Phillip was even worse. He couldn’t even picture it. Opening his eyes, he stared at the grey sky. The images behind his eyelids were unbearable, and the plain colour of the sky helped him ignore them.

 

 A leaf fell onto his lap. He picked it up and examined it. It was orange with brown specks. Casting it aside, he tried to find something else to distract him from his own mind. A young girl was walking her dog. It was called Ziggy, apparently. _Probably a David Bowie reference_ , Dan thought. The dog, catching sight of him, growled a bit. Dan tensed up. Animals had the tendency of being able to recognise supernatural beings. The girl dragged the dog the other way, and it went along, apparently thankful for his master guiding it away from this impure being. A couple walked past, hand in hand. They were laughing at something the man had said. He kissed her on the cheek. She smiled and they slowly walked away. An old man was sitting on another bench, staring at something Dan couldn’t see. 

 

 

 

“So, this is all real? Is this what you mean by ‘All the stories are true’? Werewolves and vampires and demons and — what do you call them? Fairies?” Dan jumped and put his hood back on. He knew this voice and would recognise it anywhere. 

 

“Yeah, faeries. But keep your voice down. Not many mundanes know.” A chill went through Dan’s body. These were the last two voices he wanted to hear together. What were the odds of them being here at the same time as him? He must be mistaken. And what were they doing together anyway? How did he- 

 

“Mundanes?” 

 

“Yeah, humans, whatever.” 

 

They were coming up from behind him, then passed right in front of him. Dan kept his head down until they had walked past him and there was no risk of being recognised. The tall, dark figure next to the shorter one, both with hoods on. Strands of light brown hair were blowing in the wind, escaping from the hood. The taller figure lifted a sleeve up to his elbow and then Dan had no doubt. The forearm was inked with black runes, the Voyance on the back of the hand. 

 


	14. Mother

 

The anger came first, blinding and violent. He did the best he could not to Turn right there. Walking out of the park, he sped towards his mother’s house. His vision was blurred, but he didn’t know whether it was because of the burning tears filling his eyes or the speed with which he moved. The familiar door was soon in front of him, and he violently turned the doorknob. The door wasn’t locked, but that wasn’t odd to him at that moment: nothing was, the rage overflowing from him. Not bothering to close it behind him, he headed straight for the living room and sat down on the sofa, letting his head drop in both of his hands. 

 

“Who is it?” the worried voice of his mother did not help. 

 

“Daniel!” now the worry was joined by the joy of seeing her son in her house once again. It was still there, though. The same as when she called the headquarters, it seemed like it never left her anymore, like she lived with this weight constantly pulling her down. She was standing in the doorframe of the kitchen, looking into the living room. Dan heard her walk towards him carefully, as if he was a wild animal, likely to be scared off. It was obviously because he was not the son she had last seen. He was not human anymore. That thought twisted something in Dan. 

 

When she sat down next to him, the anger that had first overcome him became despair. The tears of rage slipped down his cheeks, becoming icy when they reached his chin. 

“What’s wrong, Daniel?” His mother’s voice was gentle now, like when he was a little boy. 

So many things were wrong. Phillip’s betrayal -or was it Lexi’s?- was like a knife in his stomach. He was heartbroken, but for who? 

 

He took a deep breath. 

 

“Since you already know everything, I might as well tell you the truth.” He felt her shift uncomfortably next to him, as if she didn’t know what to do with that statement, with the knowledge that her son was a werewolf. 

“Phillip -he’s a Shadowhunter, the people who hunt demons- told Lexi about me. About the existence of our- our kind.” He sighed at that word. But what else could he qualify as? He was a human that contracted a demonic disease. There were no other words for that. 

“And protecting her was my main priority, the only thing that still mattered after being Turned. I didn’t want her to know.  She was the one thing from my previous life that was still untouched by what I am now. And now even that is gone, and I don’t know how to deal with that.” He knew he wasn’t making much sense, but he just let the words come out of his mouth. It was his mother, the woman that had watched him grow up. This definitely wasn’t the most confusing thing he had ever told her. He had been pretty weird as a teenager. 

“And Lexi’s in love with me and I don’t know if Phillip is actually in love with her or not but that’s not what I want, for myself or for her. All of this is so wrong. I should’ve listened to Stan. Never mingle with Shadowhunters.” 

“And you’re in love with Phillip.” He froze and looked over at his mother. Her brown eyes -so similar to his own, with less gold in it- were looking straight at him. 

He chuckled bitterly and sat back into the sofa. 

“Awkward love triangle, eh?”


	15. Manchester

 

 

She put a hand on his arm. “I’m sure it’ll all turn out alright, Dan. You need to get away from both of them for a while.”

“But you do know that Lexi will be looking for me, right? She’ll definitely come here.” She nodded. 

“I’ll cover up for you, Dan. I may not be eighteen anymore, but I do know how to lie.”

 

———

 

He had taken the first train to Manchester. Looking out the window, he thought of what had happened in the last days and made a little summary of all the events. Since that made his  eyes sting, he stopped and just stared at the window, at his reflection. The music pouring from his earphones made it easier to forget. His heartbeat was matching the beat of the drums. Realising that, he chuckled. Probably one of the many unknown perks of being a lycanthrope. 

A girl was sitting across from him, reading a gigantic book. Dan couldn’t see the title, though he was very curious about it. After a few moments of awkward stretching left and right to try to see it, he gave up and sank back into his seat. The girl had looked up at him weirdly. He hurriedly looked out the window again, pretending to be overly interested in the moving landscape. She looked back down. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. She was cute, oversized glasses sliding down her freckled nose from time to time, and her pushing them back up, frowning.

 

After arriving to Manchester, he had to go to his childhood friend’s studio, though he only had his address and no means to get there. He was tired and confused, and couldn’t read a street sign correctly, much less ask someone. For some reason, becoming a wolf hadn’t canceled out his social anxiety. He shook his head. Didn’t wolves at least know how to find their way to stuff? Somehow he ended up in a café, with his little suitcase, a dead phone and a very strong coffee. He hadn’t even ordered it strong on purpose, he had just chosen the name that sounded prettiest in his head. 

 

After half an hour of asking himself how he was going to work out getting to Tyler’s house, he finally got up and walked out of the coffee shop. There had been a plug right next to his table, and his phone now let out a happy and familiar glow. He walked to the nearest metro station and got on the first carriage that went the right way. It wasn’t too packed, and he sat down. A few minutes later, reaching the desired stop, he stood up and, dragging his suitcase behind him, got out of the carriage and started climbing up the steps that led him back to the surface. The sun had come out from behind the clouds and the light was bright and surprised him.

Although he hadn’t been underground for long, he took a deep breath and was thankful he wasn’t turned into a human-worm hybrid or something. He looked around at the cars rushing past him and started to look for the street that he was supposed to find Tyler’s place in. He did, quicker than he expected to. Ringing the doorbell with Tyler’s name on it, he messed a bit with his fringe to make sure it wasn’t looking as down as he felt. He heard hurried footsteps coming from inside. Plastering a smile on his face, he looked up, hearing the door open. 

Tyler looked the same as ever, messy dark brown hair and eyes that looked like they hid much more than what could be seen at first glance. Now though, those eyes were filled with happiness. They hadn’t seen each other in quite long. He hugged Dan and invited him inside. Helping him with his suitcase up the stairs that led to his door -even though Dan could’ve swung said suitcase up the stairs it was so light-, Tyler let him know that he had a date that night, so he wouldn’t be home. _Oh yeah_ , Dan remembered. Tyler wouldn’t shut up about her in his emails. He seemed happy, though, so that was that. 

 

“So you can either sleep on the couch or on the floor, I’ve got this inflatable mattress which is surprisingly comfortable.” Tyler grinned at him. At that moment, Dan fully appreciated this guy he knew since they were kids. He never asked questions and could see when others were uncomfortable, and all that without any help from the Shadow World. He suddenly wanted to hug him but decided that’d be weird without any context. Instead, he stuffed his hands in his jean pockets. Tyler left to take a shower. He was as excited as when the ice cream van was spotted in front of their primary school. Dan smiled sadly, thinking of how much of a mess his own life was. But then again, his friend had been through much tougher stuff than he ever had, and yet he was still so positive. That date of his seemed to have strengthened that even more. 

 

 _He doesn’t have a demonic disease, though,_ a little voice in the back of Dan’s head reminded him. He tried to ignore it, wanting to forget about the Shadow World when he was around Tyler. Opening up his suitcase, he put it flat on the floor and pulled out his laptop. Sinking into the couch, he started by checking his emails, but there was nothing interesting, so he went to Lexi’s profile on Facebook. That broke the number one rule he set for himself: no thinking of Lexi or Phillip during his stay in Manchester. Her profile picture was still one he had taken of her. She looked radiant on it. He took a minute to remember how that day had gone. 

 

It had been an unusually warm winter day, so they had decided to go out for a walk. She had taken her little camera with her, as she always did when she was with him. She loved taking pictures of him, and he had thought it was because she was the most comfortable with him, but now he knew the real reason. They were walking in the park he had last seen her in, and suddenly she had given him her camera and was standing in front of a pile of dead leaves. Grabbing a bunch, she threw them up in the air and yelled “TAKE THE PIC” at Dan, which he proceeded to do as well as possible. After a few blurry and derpy shots, he achieved the ultimate photo, without any leaves hiding her face. She kissed him on the cheek and giggled. Everything had been perfect. 

 

He sighed at that memory and closed his laptop. Putting it aside, he stood up and walked over to the kitchen part of the studio. He was very, very hungry. Swinging the fridge door open, he found apples. Confused, he grabbed one and bit into it.  At that moment, Tyler walked in, seemingly already dressed up for his date. Dan lifted the hand holding the half-eaten apple at him.

 

“Dude, why do you keep your apples in your fridge?” he asked, and when the other boy shrugged, Dan snorted and kept eating his apple. 

 

“Lookin’ fancy,” he said, taking a gigantic bite. “You picking her up?” Tyler was pulling his white shirt down. Dan could see the lines where the shirt had been folded. 

 

“No, she’s coming here. Doesn’t like me picking her up, for some reason.” His voice wasn’t as confident as it was before he had taken his shower. He was nervous. 

“Will I get to meet her?” Dan was trying to help him, but that question was obviously not going to relax him.

 

“Only if you promise not to steal her,” Tyler smiled at him. “She’s flawless.” Dan smiled back. That girl seemed to make him genuinely happy, and that was all he deserved. Finishing his apple, he threw it into the bin as the doorbell rang. Tyler had a sharp intake of breath and started towards the door of his studio, to go open the main door. Dan heard him stumble down the stairs, much faster than when he came to open the door for his friend. Dan chuckled to himself. He was glad to see Tyler so flustered and happy. He heard some fumbling and two sets of footsteps coming up the stairs. 

 

The door opened and a tall, blonde girl walked in, followed by Tyler. She was beautiful, with bright blue eyes. Dan squinted at her. 

 

A faerie. 

 


	16. T & J

She definitely knew what he was, but, instead of calling him out, she smiled at him. 

“So, you’re Dan? Ty’s told me so much about you. I’m Jenna.” 

 

He smiled back. If Tyler let her call him Ty, Dan could trust her. 

 

“Yeah, he wouldn’t shut up about you either.” She giggled and Tyler turned beet-red. He cleared his throat. 

“Shall we go?” he said, taking her hand. She nodded, and with one last smile at Dan, walked through the door first.

“I’ll see you later, man,” Tyler said, getting half dragged through the door. Dan could hear Jenna giggling. The door slammed shut.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be here,” Dan said to the closed door. He went back to sitting on the couch, eating a yoghurt this time. He sighed and chuckled bitterly to himself. Why did he think he could escape the Shadow World? It was a part of him now. 

 

But that girl wasn’t trying to make his life a living hell, right? She made his friend happy. As long as nothing happened to him, Dan wouldn’t do anything. Maybe she was just like him, struggling to get away from who she really was. He sighed. 

 

“Shit!” He had just realised he hadn’t called his mother since arriving in Manchester. He knew she wouldn’t be worried, since he literally disappeared for so long, but now he wanted to let her know that she could trust him again, as he trusted her, after she accepted who he was. Standing up and taking out his phone from his pocket, he dialled her number, which he still knew by heart even though he had deleted her contact long ago. He made a note to himself to create the contact again. 

 

“Hello?” Her voice wasn’t worried, but she sounded happy and almost incredulous at the fact that her son didn’t forget to call her. 

“Mum! I, uhh, just wanted to call to tell you that I arrived, and I’m at Tyler’s right now. Everything’s cool. I got a bit lost, but that happens even in your neighbourhood, so..” He chuckled, and so did she.

 

“I’m glad you called, Dan. To be completely honest, I didn’t expect you to remember,” she said, and even though he could tell she was smiling, he felt a twinge of guilt. 

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry I usually forget. I’m a terrible son.” 

 

“Don’t worry, Dan. Every kid in the world is like that.” He shrugged even though she couldn’t see it. 

 

“Okay, well, I’m gonna go now, got something to do,” he said, eyeing his yoghurt. “It was nice talking to you, mum.”

 

“Yes, thank you for calling, Dan. I love you.” He felt a pang in his chest. His mother hadn’t told him that in so long, and he knew he ought to say it back, but just couldn’t get the words out. 

 

“Me too, mum. Bye.” 

 

He sat back down and finished his yoghurt, then proceeded to go wash the little spoon he used for it. He had nothing better to do. He decided to give himself a guided tour of the studio - not that it would have been difficult to figure out where everything was, the place was maybe two to three times the size of his room back in the werewolf headquarters. The corridor he took led to three doors, and, after inspection, he deduced that since the first two doors were the bathroom and a storage room, the third must be Tyler’s. 

 

_No shit, Sherlock._

 

He decided not to go in. Going back to the living room, he looked around. On a bookshelf he saw a framed picture of Tyler and Jenna. He was kissing her cheek and she was laughing. Dan could tell everything in this picture was genuine. A warm feeling spread in his stomach, soon becoming just like a punch in the guts: the last time he had felt this way was because of Phillip. He needed to stop thinking of him. Other people’s happiness didn’t mean he couldn’t have his own. And the Shadowhunter boy didn’t necessarily mean happiness. In fact, it couldn’t be. But he couldn’t help this feeling of jealousy now painfully present in his chest. Why couldn’t he be happy? Did he not deserve it? 

 

Looking away from the picture, he concentrated on the book titles. Tyler still had those old books they studied in high school. He was kind of a nerd concerning books, and although he probably hadn’t read them again, he was sentimental about them.  Picking out one at random, he sank back onto the couch. Him and the sofa were about to become best friends. He looked down at the cover. Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet. Of course. Dan remembered how he thought that play had been overrated compared to the other stuff Shakespeare had written. Nevertheless, he opened it, and it hit him. 

 

Wherefore art thou, Romeo? 

 

“Are you kidding me? I open _one_ random book, and it has to be this line? This one goddamn line? Why are you Romeo? Fuck!” 

 

He did his best not to tear the book apart, stood up, threw it on the sofa and went directly out the door, slamming it shut behind him. 

 

 He went down the stairs that shook under his steps, and finally arrived on the street. It was dark now, but Dan couldn’t just Turn here without attracting any attention. He did it anyway, running faster than he thought he could. It was cold but he didn’t care, the wind making his eyes water. Maybe it wasn’t just the wind. 

 

———

 

 

He blinked, the sunlight shooting straight into his eyes from the window. He had forgotten to draw the curtains last night. Stretching, he stood up and yawned. He was hungry, and, he realised, very dirty. Mud stains were all over his arms, and on his hands. He was also very naked. He prayed that the duvet Tyler gave him had been enough to cover up when the other boy had gotten home. If he ever did come home.

 

Grabbing a towel from his open suitcase, he nearly ran to the bathroom, in case there was anybody. He turned the doorknob and slipped in, and, putting his towel down, he stepped into the shower. He had no idea how to work the shower and just randomly turned it on. He regretted that immediately: ice cold water sprayed down on him, and he cursed, back slamming on the shower door. His normal body temperature now being superior to the average human, that cold water seemed almost like ice shards to him. He shivered. Going around the jet of water, he fiddled with the shower taps. After a few minutes of turning, shivering and swearing, he finally managed to get the hot water flowing, and, stepping under it, he sighed and just let the water run over his body, relaxing his muscles, sore from running. He needed to work out more. After a while spent staring at the wall, he finished up quickly and dried up. Opening the bathroom door, the towel wrapped around his waist, he walked into the living room, only to be surprised by Jenna, who was making coffee, her back turned to him. He thought of running back to the bathroom but his pride told him otherwise. He tiptoed to his suitcase, hoping she wouldn’t turn around. 

 

“Morning!” She said, her back still to him. He cursed under his breath, fumbling for a pair of boxers. 

 

“M-Morning,” he answered, one hand holding the towel and the other one now frantically pulling clothes out of the suitcase. He finally found one, and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He put on the boxers, a random t-shirt he found and a pair of jeans. Jenna turned around, and Dan suddenly realised that she had actually spent the night here. That made him feel weird, but Tyler was an adult, as was he. But Dan was still a virgin. He shooed that thought from his head. He couldn’t think of his own virginity in front of his friend’s girlfriend. He smiled at her, and so did she. She pointed to the coffee machine.

 

“I made coffee,” she said while blowing on her mug. 

 

“Yeah, thanks,” he mumbled while taking a mug out and filling it with the delicious-smelling liquid. “You guys had fun last night?” He asked casually, taking a sip of coffee. It was perfect, even though it burned his tongue slightly. 

 

“Yeah, it was so much fun,” she replied, leaning against the kitchen counter and holding the mug to her lips with both hands. “We went bowling, actually. Tyler’s _really_ bad at it,” she added, chuckling. “Then we went to the restaurant and walked for a bit. It was nice.” She smiled at him. He nodded, and looked down at his mug. An awkward silence followed. 

 

“So you know I’m a werewolf, and I want this to be clear between us, okay?” Words he didn’t know he wanted to say came tumbling out of his mouth. Jenna looked at him.  “I came here to get away from the Shadow World, Jenna.” After a few seconds, she nodded.

 

“I understand. It can be pretty overwhelming at times. You weren’t born into it, were you?” Dan looked down at his feet and shook his head. 

 

“Just please don’t hurt Tyler,” he sighed. “He doesn’t deserve that. He’s been through so much and should be taken care of.” 

 

“I know. I’m doing my best, Dan. I won’t hurt him, ever. He means a lot to me.” She seemed sincere, blue eyes looking straight at him. She was very beautiful.

 

“You can’t lie. I’m gonna have to trust you on that one,” Dan chuckled, and set the mug down. “Speaking of which, where is he?” 

 

“Still sleeping, I think. I’ll go wake him up.” She put her mug on the counter and started towards the bedroom, leaving Dan with his thoughts. 

 

He decided he liked Jenna, half because of what she had said, half because she didn’t laugh at him even though she had probably seen his privates while he was asleep like a newborn on her boyfriend’s couch. 

 


	17. News

A few weeks had passed, and nothing had come to disturb what had become their routine: Tyler would go to class -he was studying law at Manchester University, though he didn’t like it one bit-, and Dan would look after his studio, do whatever cleaning needed to be done and then go for a stroll in the neighbourhood. He hadn’t Turned since that night, but hadn’t felt the need to either. He’d discover little restaurants that he’d recommend to Jenna and Tyler, and, most of the time, they’d go. Days went by like this, but Dan sometimes felt that the life he was leading had no purpose, that just staying at a friend’s away from London wouldn’t change anything when he went back: he was just stalling. 

Conversations with Jenna alone were comforting, and he learned much more about her: she had grown up not with her own, but among the mundanes, and somehow no one ever found out. The concentration of supernatural beings was less important in Manchester, though Dan still occasionally bumped into a warlock or another werewolf, who would stare at him weirdly. He talked to his mother regularly, sometimes him calling her, sometimes the other way around; it felt good to reconnect with her like this. Her contact had reappeared in Dan’s phone. 

He hadn’t checked Lexi’s Facebook profile since that first day, and though he thought about it often, he managed not to type her name in the search bar every time he opened his laptop. It felt good somehow, not to have to think about her. Even though he had gotten away from her before, this time, it was different. He didn’t feel the guilt; in fact, he didn’t feel much about her anymore. Maybe it was because she was far away, like a good friend that you somehow don’t miss over the summer holidays.

Dan was lying on the living room couch with his laptop on his knees when his phone rang. Standing up lazily, he went to get it from the kitchen counter he had forgotten it on. It was his mother. 

“Hello?” She sounded anxious, worried even. “Dan?” 

Dan felt his shoulders tense up. “Yeah, mum, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Lexi,” his mother said, and his heart jumped a bit, which surprised him. He hadn’t heard her name said out loud in a while now; maybe that was why. 

“Yeah, what about Lexi?” He was somewhere between annoyance and dread. 

 

He heard a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the line. “She and Phillip. They’re getting married.” 

 


	18. Ride

Dan had gone completely silent. He couldn’t really understand the words his mother had said, couldn’t make sense of them. He scratched his eyebrow. “What do you mean, getting married?” His voice was hoarse. 

“I’m so sorry, Dan. I know how much they both mean to you.” She sounded genuinely sad. 

“Who told you this? Did she? Tell me!” Realisation started to creep inside his brain, and his voice cracked. The hand that was holding the phone shook slightly. The line stayed silent for so long that he thought she had hung up, but he then remembered that dial tones were still a thing. “Mum?” He urged her. 

“Lexi came around this morning. She sounded so excited, Dan. I don’t know how she fell in love this quickly, or if it’s because of some spell, but whatever it is, I can tell you that it’s effective. She asked me to come to her wedding. It’s in a month.” 

Dan sucked in some air. “A _month_?” He didn’t know much about weddings in general, much less Shadowhunter ones, but he was pretty sure engagements were usually longer than a month. “But how- how can she marry him? She’s a mundane! I don’t understand. I need to get back to London.” 

He started picking up shirts that he had left on the floor -Tyler didn’t really mind- and throwing them into his suitcase, which was a mess since he always fumbled in it to find the things he needed, but never tidied it. “I’ll take the next train,” he said, squeezing the phone between his shoulder and his ear, both hands trying to unplug his computer charger. 

“I’m not sure how everything works with the shadows hunters -Dan rolled his eyes at the way his mother said it, but didn’t correct her-, but please don’t come back, Dan. It’ll only make things worse.” 

“ _Worse?”_ He almost snorted at that word. How could anything be worse than what was happening right now? His world was crumbling. Never in a million years had he imagined that Lexi and Phillip would end up together. And he had made up so many scenarios in his head; this one simply hadn’t occurred to him it was so improbable. Yet it was happening, and Dan didn’t know how to deal with that. He was looking for his toothbrush now, roaming the tiny studio. Strangely enough, it wasn’t in the bathroom. 

“I know I can’t tell you to do anything, but please take this piece of advice and stay in Manchester. It’s best for everyone.” Her tone was pleading. Dan scowled for no one to see.

“Are you trying to protect her? I’m the one that’s hurt, can’t you see? I’m your son, and yet you protect _her?”_ He was incredulous. How was this happening?

“No, Dan.” She sounded calm now. “I’m protecting you, from yourself. You know that whatever you do, it won’t change their decision. And it’s not your concern anymore. Let them live their life.” He clenched his fist around the toothbrush that he had finally found, and it broke in two with a squeaky sound. 

“Then let me live mine,” he spat, and hung up. Throwing the broken toothbrush into the bin, he rapidly finished packing and then sat down to write a note for Tyler. 

 

_Tyler—_

 

_Thank you so much for letting me stay at your place for so long, but I have some things to deal with back in London._

 

_I’m sorry to leave in such a rush, without actually saying goodbye,_

 

 

_I owe you one,_

 

_Dan_

 

 

_ps: say hi to Jenna for me_

 

 

Putting down the pen, he fumbled in his pockets and put the studio’s keys and all the cash he had on him on the table, keeping just enough for a train ticket. He then grabbed his suitcase and walked out the door, fist clenched around the handle. Going down the stairs, he felt a tear slip down his face, and cursed under his breath. He had been a fool to think that nothing relating to Lexi could hurt him anymore. Wiping it angrily away, he slammed the main door behind him. 

Sounds from the city crashed onto him like a wave, and he started towards the metro station, ears ringing. His suitcase felt heavier than when he first arrived, but maybe that was just a combination of the tiredness and the incredulity. Everything felt unreal, like he was in a dream he couldn’t wake up from. Finding himself somehow sat in a carriage, he stared at the metro plan for the whole ride, without really seeing it, images of Lexi appearing in his head instead. He felt a surge of hatred towards Phillip. The Shadowhunter had been sent to ruin his life, he had no doubt; but questions were still lingering in his mind: he had done nothing for all this to happen to him, not broken any Law, so why? But then again, no one official had come to arrest him, so he guessed it was just karma.

It was too hot in the carriage, and sweat trickled down the back of his neck. He couldn’t really move to wipe it away, since the woman sitting next to him was squeezing him against the man on the other side, so he just sat there uncomfortably for the rest of the ride. 

When the stop he was supposed to get off at finally arrived, he couldn’t jump up from his seat quickly enough; and, half dragging his suitcase behind him, he finally got to the train station. Checking the departure board, he realised with horror that the next train only left five hours later. He sat down heavily on a bench, suitcase next to him, and started to wait. He had always hated waiting, had never seen the point of it; but then again, who liked it? 

Not having enough money for anything else than the train ticket, which he intended to buy soon, he stared at the shelves of the nearby bookshop, at the shiny magazine covers, and wondered about the content. The people on said covers were smiling, all white teeth and tanned skin. Dan had wished to be famous, but that was once upon a time. His “condition” now made it impossible. 

When he got tired of imagining news articles about celebrities, he decided to look at all the passengers in the train station.  Men and women hurrying by, impatient to get home after a long day of work. A group of students, probably on a field trip, looking completely lost. A young woman, seemingly waiting for someone, on the bench facing Dan’s. Though she didn’t look like Lexi at all, she reminded the boy of her, and his heart contracted. He felt annoyed at himself: the whole point of doing this was so he didn’t have to think about all the things going wrong in his life. He looked away from her, and concentrated on the students: one of them was looking at a map, and there was a confused look on his face. The girl next to him was pointing to random places on the map, talking about things that Dan couldn’t hear. Another boy was sitting on his suitcase, staring at the trains absent-mindedly with his elbows on his knees, hands holding his chin. He seemed away from this busy train station, and Dan couldn’t help but sympathise. 

His stomach growled, and he remembered suddenly that he hadn’t eaten since that morning. Not being able to spare a single penny, he tried not to think of his stomach; that made a lot of things he couldn’t think about. 

The five hours seemed to stretch eternally, and when it was finally time, Dan felt like he was 80. He got up from the bench, and, after stretching his sore limbs, he walked towards the platform his train was supposed to leave from. Of course, his compartment was the furthest away, and he had to walk for a solid five minutes before finally getting to it. Lifting up his suitcase to get on the train, he felt all strength leave him, and nearly fell.  Lack of food and emotional damage weren’t a good combination. He cursed at himself for being so weak, and, after a few seconds, he got on the train and found his seat. He collapsed into it, sighing. Pushing the hair out of his eyes in a slow movement, he saw that the person sitting next to him was asleep. It was a young man, about his age; his head was tilted towards the window, and though Dan would’ve preferred that seat -since he had nothing better to do than stare out the glass pane-, the stranger looked so peaceful that Dan smiled to himself.

Trying not to wake the boy next to him, he carefully fished his earphones from inside his suitcase and plugged them into his phone. Music relaxed him, as it always did. He sank back into the seat and closed his eyes, concentrating on the lyrics and the melody so that his mind didn’t wander. The stranger shifted in his sleep as the train started to move. Dan’s phone buzzed, and he opened his eyes to look down at it. It was a text from Tyler. 

_I hope you’re okay. You were stupid to leave all that money behind. We’ll miss you._

 

Dan chuckled softly. Tyler always liked to send messages telegram-style, with full stops everywhere; it annoyed Dan sometimes, but it was mostly endearing. He texted him back, saying that he was fine -his stomach made a noise of disapproval- and that he’d miss them too. That last bit, at least, was true: Tyler and Jenna made him feel peaceful, stripped of the drama that Phillip and Lexi had brought into his life. 

He was about to close his eyes once again when he realised that his sleepy neighbour was now wide awake and looking at him with curiosity. Dan looked back at him. The other boy had honey brown hair and was wearing a black hoodie and skinny jeans: nothing uncommon, though the hoodie looked like it had been through a lot of tough times. The stranger grinned at Dan. 

“Hi,” he said, extending his hand, evidently for Dan to shake. “I’m Charlie, and this is the first time I’m meeting a werewolf!” In horror, Dan looked down at the hand, and saw the Voyance rune on the back of it. A Shadowhunter, and not a very bright one at that. Tearing his gaze from the eyelike Mark, he looked back up at Charlie’s face. 

“Don’t speak that loud! Everyone’ll hear,” Dan whispered urgently. The other boy shrugged. 

“I’m glamoured anyway,” he drawled, dropping his hand that Dan hadn’t shaken and sat back. Dan frowned, and he realised something. 

“Does that mean people just saw me talking to nothing?” Charlie shrugged again, a smirk on his face. Evidently, he didn’t do it to be mean, but Dan scowled and put the earbuds back in his ears, determined to ignore the boy next to him for the rest of the journey.  

It didn’t last five minutes. Charlie turned to him and started talking about what he was doing in Manchester -he was born there, his mother having married a mundane, but he had decided to pursue Shadowhunter training- and went on for ten minutes or so. Dan was nearly drowning in all the information he gathered half heartedly. 

“So, what were you doing in Manchester?” The other boy was curious and very eager to make conversation, barely noticing that Dan showed all the signs of wanting to be left alone. The werewolf sighed. 

“I was visiting a friend,” he muttered. That was partially true, and he thought of Tyler’s smiling face and nearly smiled himself. Tyler was a dork. 

“And now you’re going home?” Dan shrugged. If home could be somewhere you felt least in security in, then yeah, he was going home. After a few seconds of silence, Dan wanted to ask a question.

“Why are you going to London?” The other boy grinned at him, showing all his teeth. 

“I’m going to London,” he said excitedly, “because I’m representing my family at a wedding, a Shadowhunter one. It’s in a month but I’m going to help; the groom is extended family.” 


	19. Home?

Arriving in London was not as weird as Dan had imagined, but maybe that was just because it all was so sudden that his brain hadn’t had the time to realise it yet. Dragging his suitcase behind him and trying his best to ignore Charlie that was trailing beside him, talking about bees, apparently. Dan was barely listening anymore, but it was difficult to block out the constant droning that accompanied the younger boy everywhere: Dan hadn’t grown up with siblings, and couldn’t really do the “I’m ignoring you” thing. He sighed and concentrated on not tripping.

“Did you know that snails can sleep for three years without eating?” Charlie was saying. He was constantly blurting out random facts, and so far they were mostly about insects and the like. Dan was feeling nauseous. He suddenly stopped walking, causing Charlie to bump into him full speed — they weren’t even walking that fast, and Dan suspected that it was partly intentional. It’s true that he had been pretty unresponsive to every single thing Charlie had said, but he didn’t really feel guilty about it; he had never asked the other boy to follow him whatsoever. 

“Ow,” Charlie said. “What is it?” Dan turned around and looked him straight in the eye. 

“Look, kid,” he spat, “I’m in no mood to deal with your immaturity right now. So please stop following me and go wherever the hell you’re supposed to go. Thanks.” He kept on walking, and, a few steps later, without even needing to turn around, he knew that Charlie was still standing there. 

 

A few minutes later, he found himself near the metro station, trying to decide whether going to his mum’s or the pack’s headquarters was the best idea. He had sort of had an argument with his mother, true, but the prospect of a dozen lycanthropes asking him where the hell he had been didn’t appeal to him at all. Maybe he shouldn’t be thinking of it best idea by this point, but of least worst idea. He finally decided he’d go to his mum’s: it was familiar, and he knew that they could talk this through. He’d convince her that coming back had been a good idea; though, standing in this huge city, he wasn’t so sure of it himself. 

 

The ride to his mother’s apartment -his childhood home- was relatively short, and he found himself staring at the familiar doorbell way too early for his liking. He studied the name on it. It was so obviously his mother’s handwriting, with the O way too small compared to the other letters. The six letters spelled out HOWELL, and, for the first time, Dan realised how ironic it was. He was a wolf, and his last name was Howell. Howl. The pack didn’t really care about last names, so he had never really paid attention to the “happy coincidence” either. A wave of frustration washed over him, but he regained his composure before ringing the bell. 

 

A few seconds went by before the door creaked open. Dan assumed his mother was waiting for him, and stepped inside. It was her duty to provide him with food and shelter, right? The woman behind the door was his mother alright, but she was angrier than he had ever seen her before. 

“How dare you come here,” she said, voice low and shaking. “After I’ve told you so clearly not to.” Dan didn’t understand. He was desperately searching his brain for a possible reason to her anger, but couldn’t find anything. He looked at her helplessly. 

“Mum, I- I don’t understand,” he said, “it’s not such a big deal, is it?” Her brown eyes were burning.

“Get. Out.” She spat, and slammed the door in his face. He stood there for five minutes, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Why did she act like that? They had been in such good place when Dan was in Manchester, and now everything had fallen apart. Why? Slowly turning away from the door, he was just about to walk away when he heard a woman’s laughter from inside the apartment. It definitely wasn’t his mother’s. 

 

Lexi.

 

 _But of course._ Dan’s mother had been a tailor, and now she probably was starting to design the wedding dress with Lexi. Something in Dan twisted. _She prefers Lexi to me._ Of course, she was as human as human can get, and he was anything but. They had grown up together, and Dan knew his mother considered Lexi as her own daughter. Now that her son “wasn’t really her son” anymore, she turned to this fake daughter. Anger started forming a knot in his stomach, and he left this place, swearing to never set foot here again. 

Everything had been too perfect, until that phone call. Why did the two women that he loved more than anything in the world have to be the ones to inflict the most pain on him? He wanted to Turn, but it started to become ridiculous: he couldn’t Turn every time he felt pain or anger. Dan knew he had to face it just as a human would, but he felt so alone, more than he had ever before. He had no one to talk to, nowhere to go. The only option that would make him feel okay was to go back to Manchester, but he had no money and no wish to bother Tyler and Jenna either. 

He resolved to go back to headquarters. It was the safest bet if he wanted to stay alive. Dragging his suitcase behind him, he took the metro once again. His Oyster card didn’t have much left on it, maybe enough for two journeys.  

By the time he arrived to headquarters, it was starting to go dark. He went in, hoping not to bump into anyone. The last thing Dan wanted right then was to have to explain everything. As quietly as he could, he walked through the doors and straight to his room. The boy was relieved to see that it was untouched -quite literally: books were all over the floor, clothes thrown carelessly onto the bed.The only thing that had changed was the thin layer of dust that was now covering everything. It was as if he had died, and no one dared touch his stuff in fear of awakening the ghost. 

He took a step forward, raising a bit of dust that floated lazily around his ankles. He sneezed. Dragging his suitcase behind him, he left it next to his bed, and, shoving the clothes that were on it onto the floor, he crashed onto the bed and fell asleep. It seemed like the only option for now. 

 


End file.
